By quirk of the Christian calendar, not only is today Pentecost but for my brothers and sisters in the Wesleyan/Holiness tradition it’s Aldersgate Sunday. Today, the Sunday closest to May 24, is the day we remember the change that happened in John Wesley’s heart.
Wesley had just returned to Britain after a disastrous experience in Savannah, Georgia. On the voyage over the ship Wesley and his companions were in nearly sank. In the midst of that storm, the English voyagers were fearing for their lives, while a group of German Moravians were not only calm, but worshiping through the storm. This made Wesley question his own faith. Upon arrival he met with the leader of the Moravians in Savannah and had this exchange:
I soon found what spirit he was of and asked his advice with regard to my own conduct. He said, “My brother, I must first ask you one or two questions. Have you the witness within yourself? Does the Spirit of God bear witness with your spirit that you are a child of God?” I was surprised, and knew not what to answer. He observed it and asked, “Do you know Jesus Christ?” I paused and said, “I know He is the Saviour of the world.” “True,” replied he; “but do you know He has saved you?” I answered, “I hope He has died to save me.” He only added, “Do you know yourself?” I said, “I do.” But I fear they were vain words.
Not only was Wesley experiencing an existential crisis, he was also having lady problems with it. On the voyage over he met one Sophia Hopkey, and made plans to marry. After arriving in Georgia, however, Wesley had a change of heart, thinking it best for an Anglican priest not to marry so he could devote himself wholly to the work of the Church. Sophia met someone else and married him. Wesley didn’t take this well. He denied Sophia from partaking in Communion. The congregation was incensed. Charges were brought before Wesley, claiming defamation of character. Though Wesley escaped imprisonment, the damage was done. He went back to England, dejected.
In the midst of his depression and dejection, Wesley met one Peter Bohler, a Moravian in England. As Wesley was undertaking preaching, he came to a crossroads–how could he continue preaching in such a low spiritual state:
I asked Bohler whether he thought I should leave it off or not. He answered, “By no means.” I asked, “But what can I preach?” He said, “Preach faith till you have it; and then, because you have it, you will preach faith.”
Still, Wesley was in a stupor. A failed ministry, woman problems, depression can do that to a man. Still unsure, Wesley asked Bohler again: Do I continue on in ministry? Bohler replied, “No; do not hide in the earth the talent God hath given you.”
A few weeks later, on May 24, 1738, Wesley makes the following entries in his Journal:
I think it was about five this morning that I opened my Testament on those words, “There are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises, even that ye should be partakers of the divine nature” [II Peter 1:4]. Just as I went out, I opened it again on those words, “Thou art not far from the kingdom of God” [Mark 12:34]. In the afternoon I was asked to go to St. Paul’s. The anthem was, “Out of the deep have I called unto Thee, O Lord: Lord, hear my voice. Oh, let Thine ears consider well the voice of my complaint. If Thou, Lord, wilt be extreme to mark what is done amiss, O Lord, who may abide it? For there is mercy with Thee; therefore shalt Thou be feared. O Israel, trust in the Lord: for with the Lord there is mercy, and with Him is plenteous redemption. And He shall redeem Israel from all his sins.”
It was like God was preparing Wesley for a great seismic event in his heart. A huge upheaval of everything of he had ever known. Wesley writes further and describes this event:
In the evening I went very unwillingly to a society in Aldersgate Street, where one was reading Luther’s preface to the Epistle to the Romans. About a quarter before nine, while he was describing the change which God works in the heart through faith in Christ, I felt my heart strangely warmed. I felt I did trust in Christ, Christ alone, for salvation; and an assurance was given me that He had taken away my sins, even mine, and saved me from the law of sin and death.
I began to pray with all my might for those who had in a more especial manner despitefully used me and persecuted me. I then testified openly to all there what I now first felt in my heart. But it was not long before the enemy suggested, “This cannot be faith; for where is thy joy?” Then was I taught that peace and victory over sin are essential to faith in the Captain of our salvation; but that, as to the transports of joy that usually attend the beginning of it, especially in those who have mourned deeply, God sometimes giveth, sometimes withholdeth, them according to the counsels of His own will.
After my return home, I was much buffeted with temptations, but I cried out, and they fled away. They returned again and again. I as often lifted up my eyes, and He “sent me help from his holy place.” And herein I found the difference between this and my former state chiefly consisted. I was striving, yea, fighting with all my might under the law, as well as under grace. But then I was sometimes, if not often, conquered; now, I was always conqueror.
On this, the Day of Pentecost, the day when the Holy Spirit descended on the disciples and empowered them to preach the Good News of Jesus Christ, may we all feel the Spirit’s fire kindle in our hearts. May He come and “strangely warm” our stony hearts and vivify them with Fire from on high. May He take the shipwrecks of our lives–dashed hopes, broken dreams, disappointments, failures, depression–and use them as fuel for the Spirit to do His work in our lives. May we realize heartbreak and disillusionment are never the last word, but is in fact the very place God does His work in our lives. May we, with one voice, join with the Church and say, “Come Holy Spirit, come!”
(The Further Adventures of) the Blue Collar Theologian 